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How Much Could You Ask Of Me?

by Alexander Natalie

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1.
Love you all the way until I’m dyin’, But when I’m there I won’t know what to say, Cause’ I can barely look you in the eyes now, without feelin’ all that pain, As if it was happenin’ right to me, Why does it never seem to change? When or where or how I ever want it, Is it really all so ingrained? In me to be drained out & empty, Withered, lost & afraid, All there are is people who just love me, But still I feel I’m livin’ in a cage. You let me down. What does it mean to be a family? How much could you ask of me? Cause’ I’ve been beggin’/pleadin’/borrowin’/sufferin’ That you could just let me fuckin’ breathe, On anything close to my own terms now, But you built your home inside of me, And I can barely look you in the eyes now, Cause’ I’m afraid you’ll see the pain in me. You let me down, Like a storm upon the rocks, Like a rabbit in the brush, I was holdin’ on to nothing, Like it could ever be enough, And I’m right up on the edge now, Won’t you push me off, There’s a storm it’s comin’ There’s a storm inside of me, But there’s no use running, Cause’ I’ve forgotten how to breathe, And I’m screamin’ back now, How much could you ask of me? You’ve taken the life from, But you won’t let go of me, There’s a storm it’s comin', You let me down.
2.
I park the car, pick up the phone, I see your name, and feel alone, I wait it out for hours, I wait it out for hours I call you back, you say you’re home, I feel relieved, you’re not alone, I waited out for hours, I waited out for hours Hearin’ things I don’t wanna know, but my breath is stale, And my blood is running cold, I hold the fear inside, I’m scared you’re gonna die I don’t need to know what you’re doin’, I just need to know you’re OK, In the deepest part of my bein’, I know that we are the same I park the car, pick up the phone, I see your name, and feel alone, I wait it out for hours, I wait it out for hours I call you back, you say you’re home, I feel relieved, you’re not alone, I waited out for hours, I waited out for hours Hearin’ things I don’t wanna know, but my breath is stale, And my blood is running cold, I hold the fear inside, I’m scared you’re gonna die I don’t need to know what you’re doin’, I just need to know you’re OK, In the deepest part of my bein’, I know that we are the same And the rain is pourin’ down, and you splash and slip around, And your hair is still curly now, oh how, oh how, Did you slip right from my hands, you are my best friend, Don’t know how to make amends One at a time, all of us, all of us, Are all gonna die, all of us, all of us, Will lose our minds, run amok, come undone Lookin’ at the picture now, I look just like, just like you then, When I turn around, it’s easier, to pretend, You’ll always be around, and I don’t have, to contend, With the fact, That, One at a time, all of us, all of us, Are all gonna die, all of us, all of us, Will lose our minds, run amok, come undone.
3.
No use runnin’, you’re still gonna die, No use tryin’, if they won’t see your side, There’s nothing left, for me here, I am rag&bones, bound-up/hog-tied, Can’t remember, the last time I cried, Maybe november, to myself I lied, There’s nothing left, for me here, I am rag&bones, bound-up/hog-tied, There’s nothing left, for me here, I am rag&bones, bound-up/hog-tied.
4.
We were painting each other’s faces, with the spit of our fights, again, We were painting each other’s faces, with the spit of our fights, again, We were standing back to back, comparing our heights, again, We were standing back to back, comparing our heights, again, I don’t think that you-oo-oo, understand, I don’t think that you-oo-oo, understand, The way, The way, That you, come apart in my hands, That you, come apart in my hands.
5.
6.
I’m not a part of, I’m not a part of what you want, I’m a whisper of yesterday, Back at the start of, back at the start of what we thought, Was gonna be anything You said, I was, better, on my own I can’t keep runnin’ back, runnin’ between house and home, I need stable ground, You say you love me now, then what the hell did you then, How could you treat me like that You said, I was, better, on my own, Difference, between, a house, and a home, Had a, piece of, you, and I want more.
7.
Guessin’ I won’t be the one around, Do you have a sorrow I can drown out, The sound, of your grating voice with, I wish I felt I had a choice in, The body, that you’ve been given, The pain, that you’ve been livin’ in, Wanna hold you, bathe you in forgiveness, Wanna hold you, bathe you in forgiveness, Tonight I am so full of superstitions, Can you shut the fuck up and just listen, To all the advice I have given you, Do you even feel like it’s really you, Is it your body you’re livin’ in, Or are you just someone visitin’, Made to be a tourist of your life, Housed in a machine made of skin&pain&strife All at once, I’m asking you, Am I ever hearing you? Is there nothing I can do? All at one, I’m loving you Give myself up, for the night, And I find myself lyin’ on the floor, Starin’ up at, fluorescent lights, Wonderin’ how much more, Pain is left in, your whole life, How much more, how much more, Can you take, before you look, Underneath the pillowcase, For a way off, of this earth, How much more can you take, Tonight? Takes one to know one and I know you, Better than myself, so what does that make me? Takes one to know one, and I know you, Better than myself, so what does that make me? Is it too much to ask that you cling onto life, hopin’ and prayin’, That it gets better? Is is too much to ask that you cling onto life, with just hopin’ and prayin’, That it might get better? Takes one to know one, and I know you, Better than myself, so what does that make me?
8.
P(s)alms. 03:31
Darkenin’, forever darkenin’, To match the pictures, hangin’ on the wall, Harkenin’, finally harkenin’, Your word, has become my call Whose sins are these, I hold my hands, You spit in palms, I hope, you understand, I didn’t want to love you, But here I am, Standing in your doorway, Losing my, Head Ooh, ooh, ooh Burgenin’, feelings burgenin’, This is h-how, the garden grows I cast my seed and I laid my hand, I turned to skies and I pleaded, Help me understand, What you want from me I’m not a man. I’ll be somethin’ better than, I was before, Yesterday Ooh, ooh, ooh.
9.
Two Birds 05:37
I wake up, rub you from my eyes, Try to recount, the drinks from last night, I never needed anyone, I never needed anyone like you, But there’s a part of myself, that feels lost in you I wake up, try to rationalize, Drinks from last night, that flash in your eyes, I never needed anyone, I never needed anyone like you said I do, And there’s a part of myself, that really believes it’s true Two birds in the pit of my hand, Two birds in the pit of my hand, I can crush ‘em where I stand, I can crush ‘em where I stand, I’m a useless shell of a man, I’m a useless shell of a man, Propped up by your commands, Propped up by your commands, Two birds in the pit of my hand, Two birds in the pit of my hand, I can crush ‘em where I stand, I can crush ‘em where I stand, I’m a useless shell of a man, I’m a useless shell of a man, Propped up by your commands, Propped up by your commands, Two birds in the pit of my hand, Two birds in the pit of my hand, I can crush ‘em where I stand, I can crush ‘em where I stand, I’m a useless shell of a man, I’m a useless shell of a man, Propped up by your commands, Propped up by your commands.

about

This album is for my brother, whom I hold so close.

credits

released December 15, 2018

All songs written by Alexander Natalie.

All songs composed by:
Alexander Natalie, Samuel Ketcham, Sophie Warrick, Daniel O'Keefe, Michael McGough & Wilson Zellar.

Instrumentation:
Alexander Natalie: Classical Guitar, Vocals.
Samuel Ketcham: Electric Guitar, Vocals.
Sophie Warrick: Violin, Mandolin.
Daniel O'Keefe: Percussion.
Michael McGough: Bass Guitar.
Wilson Zellar: Banjo, Guitar.

Recorded @ Wilson's Place.

All songs recorded & engineered by Wilson Zellar.

Mixed & Produced by Wilson Zellar & Alexander Natalie.

Mastered by Wilson Zellar.

Cover photo by Wilson Zellar.

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Alexander Natalie Saint Paul, Minnesota

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